This day’s been hell of a lot tiring and forlorn. Until now, it feels like I’ve just woken up from a nightmare and how I really wish it was just that – a nightmare.
Hands clammy, knees quivering, my thumping heart threatening to heave itself out of my fat-lined ribcage, my vellus hair standing on end, my skin covered of goose bumps, electricity ostensibly whizzing up my spine -- I just couldn’t believe what was in front of me yet my own eyes weren’t deceived of what lay before me. Or rather who lies before me. And there he was -- so still, so cold, so… dead.
Just this morning, I’ve packed my bags and climbed up the bus bound for Baguio as I was supposed to process my application papers and receive my transcript of records from school among other things. I’ve not yet gotten off the bus when I received a text message from my best friend Rose that they’re going to visit our batch mate and friend, Darwin, and were asking me if I would come. My heart started to beat like I’ve just been running in the marathon and just one word kept popping out of the text message Rose sent me – ‘visit’. I don’t know why but I really had a sick feeling about that word. My curiosity got the better of me and I pumped up the courage to ask ‘what of Darwin?’ My heart stopped beating when I got a reply from Rose, “Dead.”, was all she said. My mind went blank. The shock that one blasted word brought me was enough to get my faculties failing to respond. If it hadn’t been for my seatmate, I still would have been staring at the phone, sitting still as if I’d turned to stone. He told me that for a moment there, it seemed as if I wasn’t within the realm of reality. I just turned toward him and managed a hint of a smile. I tried to say something but then my mouth rebelled against me. With that, I was silent for the rest of the trip. A day supposed to be full of splendor and excitement turned to gloom and left quite forlorn of hope. Man, that was really a mood killer. I kept convincing myself that Darwin couldn’t be dead. I just saw him alive and well two weeks ago. The rational and more logical part of my adipose-laden brain argued that Rose, a resolute and ingenuous person, wouldn’t be making this thing up. It’s not in her bones to try and make fun of death amongst friends. Thus, I chose to believe the logic in that statement she just sent me.
As soon as I got down the bus on my drop-off point, I dropped my bags at home and headed to Abanao, dazed. My friends were waiting there – Rose and Lester. They were waiting for the cavalry so as to go and see Darwin during his wake. It’s really sad as we were planning to have a batch reunion like last year and celebrate his birthday (we didn’t know it was his birthday last year) or at least go out again as we did the past year (Full Story Here). We were just days too late. Or yet, Darwin was just days too early or perhaps just too in a hurry that he’d stumbled along the way.
It really is so unfair that someone kind and young has to go ahead and be with our Creator as Darwin has. I remember when I heard the news I simply could not believe it. Darwin was too young but as it slowly occurred to me I have realized that Darwin indeed lived his life wonderfully. Darwin was well-loved and he had done so many things on earth and I’m sure he’ll do much more in heaven.
To tell the truth, I barely knew Darwin. As I was looking down at his handsome face in his immaculately white casket, I’ve been trying to put some words together in my mind to tell him. I ended up praying for his soul and his family. There’s that guilty feeling of not really knowing who Darwin really is and I call him my friend. I know a lot of things about Darwin but they were trivial. I only knew what he told us when he introduced himself as a newcomer at Sagada National High School – that his name was Darwin Chalacan and is from Sadanga. I came to know a few things about him then, such as things like he was older than most of us in the classroom, that he knew how to paint, knew how to carve, and he also knew how to play the guitar well. He was such a talented young man. As I go through those times in high school, I remember well that Darwin was the silent type. He never was boldly chastised by any of our teachers and he was well-behaved in the classroom. He was a very good student – an average-learner but so much of a hard-worker. He rallied his way through the economic and personal barriers hindering him from getting educated. He learned well and graduated beside his 53 batch mates. Well-learned and hard-working, that’s what got him in the automotive buy-and-sell business of which he aimed, as all Filipinos do, to uplift the economic status of his parents and family—and that, he did too well. But there was another side to Darwin that I’ve got to know as time passed by. Darwin may be the silent kind of student in the classroom but when you’ve got the chance to bridge a friendly relationship with him, you’ll realize that he’s a comical friend – a humorous, chatty, jovial, and determined person. He has this kind of attitude which could lighten up someone’s mood or cast bright lights upon the room with his jokes (though corny at times :D) and laughter and even with his incessantly smiling face. That handsome smile he managed to show never waned even for a second.
It was just a year before today when the SagadaNHS Batch 2005 had a small get-together and got to catch up on each other’s lives. I remember seeing, aside from the others’ accomplishments, another side of Darwin. That day, I saw a Darwin Chalacan who was very much successful and contented with what he’d achieved. Man, he was an accomplished young man! The automotive business is a very tedious yet rewarding job and Darwin had a lot of clients calling him here and there (he has two cell phones just for that :D). That same day last year, December 19, he actually had to deliver one of those half-a-million-peso cars he just sold to a client before he was able to meet with us. Lester and Wilfredo were witnesses to that since they were with him. We’ve been calling him ‘Big Shot’, ever since and yet he humbly turned the moniker down. He was that humble that he never had to brag about his job and how much he was earning. You’d just have to be surprised from time to time with what he has already accomplished such as the time when we were planning to ride a taxi and he just told us to wait and took off. That time, it was our second night out – December 20. I got confused there for a second and asked myself, ‘Wait for what? Where did he go?’ Lester and Wilfredo knew what he was up to. He brought along his own Pajero for the occasion. He was kind enough to drive us all around the city to where we wanted to go. It was Christmas after all. There were parties here and there. The clock was about to strike 12 Midnight and Darwin was also kind enough to drive each one of us home (from Dagsian to P. Burgos to Km5 and KM6 La Trinidad) after dropping off Kimberly at the Victory Liner terminal at Old Forestry Road, Marcoville since the terminal at Gov. Pack Road was fully packed with passengers. We waited for her to be able to secure a ticket before we took off. I love my friends. They’re so thoughtful and caring. I knew then that this was the Darwin I knew before. The Darwin who worked hard to finance his education in far-off Sagada – away from his beloved hometown Sadanga, away from his beloved parents and siblings, away from a world that he knew too well.
Despite Darwin’s achievement and job, I never saw him differently. I still saw him as the Darwin Chalacan picking his nose and incessantly brushing mucus off his runny nose. I loved that kind of Darwin until now – simple, humble, kind, hard-working, loving and caring. Despite his accomplishment, he never boasted of it. Rather, he helped his siblings and parents and I just knew. I don’t know how but maybe someday I’d know the answer. I just had that feeling that he never wasted his earnings for silly things. His uncle confirmed that feeling during his wake – that he worked hard to help his family rise up from their current economic status. He gave everything he had and more to make his family all as happy as possible, and now it is finally his turn. His sacrifices did not go unnoticed. His love is forever appreciated and valued more than he may ever know. I can only hope his reward is eternal happiness in Heaven with all those he cared so much for. He wanted to make everyone happy. And now, Heaven will be a happier place with the sound of his laughter.
Darwin’s death was sudden. His death may have left a big red gash in our hearts that no one could ever heal but the love and care he shared with us all will leave a memory no one could ever steal. I will forever be grateful to have had the chance to have known a man named Darwin Chalacan. Darwin will forever be missed but I know in the right time, I will meet Darwin again. We will all meet Darwin again and he’ll make us laugh in tears again.
Darwin, we pray for you and your family. To us, your friends, you will always be with us in mind, heart and spirit. We know that now you are with the Father in His heavenly kingdom because the Darwin Chalacan I know of deserves to be with the Lord. Thank you so much for touching my life and the lives of others. Thank you for sharing us your knowledge, your laughter, your love and care, your expertise in cars, and for being a very good friend. Thank you for all your kindness and sweet words. Thank you for your smiles and your hugs. Thank you for the funny stories and all the wonderful deeds you’ve done. Thank you for always thinking of everyone else long before you ever thought of yourself. Thank you for making our lives far more special than they ever could have been without you.
Sail on, Darwin! You may be gone in this world forever but your memories will forevermore linger... :D