Ramblings of a Tell-tale Heart

      Isn’t it ironic that whenever you feel love for another, you would eventually hate yourself for it? Not the kind of love you show your family, relatives and friends but the kind of love that sweeps you off your feet when you get to know who you think is the ‘right’ one. How come, you ask. Well, don’t you see other couples out there fighting for the love they feel even though they are rejected? Don’t you hear what they say when they keep looking at the one they love though he or she is with another? Don’t you see the pained expression on their faces as they realize they would never have a chance to feel that love? When you love another, you come to hate yourself for it. Moreover that you could not confess to the one you love for he or she has already chosen ‘the one’. There is this insurmountable wall that you couldn’t crumble down and this wall makes it harder for you to fight for the love you feel. And then you think, would you be as pathetic as to still wait for that someone? Would you be as stupid as to still make a room for him in your heart? Would it be worth it when you feel like a hundred daggers were piercing right through your heart just seeing them together and yet you try and cover the tears looming up with your sweet charming smile and friendly nature? Don’t you just hate yourself when you keep hoping the one you love would see you as more than a friend and you try to hide what you feel just because you don’t want that friendship tarnished? You may think it cowardly sometimes but wouldn’t you think it is better this way? Why tarnish the friendship when you’ve got a splendid relationship?

      But then, this is reality. It would be much better to see the one you love from a distance rather than chasing her/him away with the truth. It would be better that you stay friends rather than be awkward because he/she knows how you really feel about him/her. It may pain you to just be a friend but then this is how the world works. When you’ve been tired of fighting, why not just give up and move on with your life? Many lovers would say they couldn’t live without the other but then isn’t it the air we breathe and the heart pumping blood and oxygen to the body which makes us live? Yes, well. Lovers would then argue that their heart would stop beating if they are abandoned by someone they love so much. But haven’t they thought that they might be suffocating their partners because of this? How could anyone not live because of a person they love so much? How could that person be the air they breathe? But then again, this is reality. May sound really pathetic but true. And reality bites.

      Love may really be a burden for someone stuck in the triangle of love. Yearning for that someone to reach out to your heart and accept you but then you get disappointed when he/she gives not even a glance your way for he/she has eyes only for the one he/she loves. Yes, you take a deep breath and try to hold it there just to keep your heart from feeling the pain raucously overcoming your senses. But have you even thought of giving yourself a little credit? Have you ever thought about the ‘what ifs?’ of your actions? What if it was you beside her rather than him? What if you wanted not to be her friend? What if you told her you love her? What if she said yes? What if she said she loved you too? What if it was you holding her hand right now making plans for the future? What if it was you caressing her hair at the moment? What if…? Here you are thinking of what would have happened if you told her you love her.Wouldn’t you just hate yourself just because you were a coward? Wouldn’t it be better if you had told her? Yes, I know what she would say would frighten you on asking but at least you would know and she would know how each of you are feeling. At least then you would not live the rest of your life asking ‘What if…’. And then there’s deceit. You could never lie about love. You can never hide what you really feel. When you get hit by cupid’s arrow, you’re beat. Why fight it? Take that love and tell the world how it feels to be in love. Shout it out and get it over with. If it pains, at least you’ve tried. That’s the irony of love. You try to love someone but then you get hurt because of that love. Stop being a wreck. Stop living entrapped in the love you know you’ll never have a chance at. Move on. Let go. Try looking at the whole picture in life. Don’t just focus on one. And maybe someday, when you think you’d never have that kind of love again, fate would intervene and you would find someone and something greater than that love before. Love really moves in mysterious ways. Just keep believing in love, faith, hope. Never waver and you will survive.